A Sense of Community

So the past week has produced a lengthy gamut of emotions in the camper; all strong - some good, some bad, some stressful, some joyous. As I mentioned in an earlier post, JD made the 848 mile trek back from Memphis to our little resting spot in Florida two weeks ago tomorrow. He brought his teenage brother home with him, which has been wonderful. This adventure gave them some bro-time (the original kind, not the new age Bro Code stuff; they are brothers after all) and allowed JD to have a buddy in the truck for the long haul. It has also opened some doors of communication in our nuclear family and our extended family.

One of the recurring themes that has come up over the past week is the idea of community. Webster's dictionary defines community as "a unified body of individuals, as a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society." There is a sense of community and love inside of each of our homes... but at many points, there seems to be some disconnect. The sense of community goes out the window in many circumstances - when Mom is fed up (over-worked and under-paid!), when the teenage child demands "it's not my job!", when a hard-working parent gets home and just wants a break but is instead met with a household that needs attention. We all do it. We all try to draw other people in, to help us with the mass of work that needs to be accomplished to live together. 

What I've been perplexed about this week is how best to go about getting that done. How do you instill the sense of community into a spouse that's never seen it? How do you convince a self-centered teenager that life indeed does not revolve around her or him? How do you show a child that the lifestyle of utilitarianism (the idea that the useful is good, with pleasure holding the highest possible balance over pain) truly is a great way to live life, not to mention a helpful way to contribute to their livelihood? How does one make sure that the ways you're handling given situations are helpful and not damaging? 

These things had plagued me day in, and day out. But I really think that the answer to those questions is different for us all. Every situation is unique. For me, I have a hawk-eye focus on the work-play balance in my family. We work together quickly and then we play together slowly. Here's a good example that happened just tonight, after dinner - 

My wonderful husband put dinner on the table tonight and then proceeded to do the dishes. PS - we do not have a top-o'-the-line camper so we don't have a dishwasher so someone has to do them day in, and day out. After a couple of nights of worrying whether I'm teaching my children to help or bullying my children into submission, tonight my 2-year-old begged to help wash the dishes... and believe it or not, he was pissed when there were no more dishes to be done! So I'm no longer worried about that; I think we're doing a great job instilling a work ethic in our children. It does, however, remain to be seen if it stays when our kids are teenagers, but that's another worry for another day. This anecdote was nothing more than a poignant moment in our lives, living with a 14-year-old young adult, a 2 year-old child, and a 5 month-old baby. Take from it what you will.

But our philosophy of work first, play second really does work. Help your community (i.e. your spouse, children, and household, and then larger circles. NEVER EVER EVER EVER the other way around. EVER.) and then you yourself will be served. Here are some shot of my family having a blast this week because we worked hard and chose to spend this time together - 

Life shouldn't be subjected to all work.

Let me repeat that, because it bears repetition.

Life should not be subjected to work only.

Don't pour your life into building your house to be beautiful and worthy of notice. What if it catches fire one day and burns down? Who really cares anyways? I promise, your neighbors will only care IF and WHEN it truly is burning down.

Don't pour your life into your job. In the blink of an eye, if can be someone else's job, no matter how much you've sacrificed and how many hours you've stored in those corporate safes.

Don't pour your life into your image. You will change. If there's one thing that life promises us, it's that life will change. Don't waste away chasing the here and now.  Tomorrow, that will be the gone and old. So just stop.

Instead, pour yourself into the next generation. Be you. Work first. Do the things that need to be done within your home, like dishes, and dog-walking, and children-putting-down, and taking the trash out. And then play. 

Maybe you don't agree with me... and that's fine. But putting the meaningful work first makes the play a million times better. Test my theory. I dare you.